#10 Country Music

Across America you'll find that on any given conservative IPOD, is an enormous library of illegally obtained Country Music, AKA "Freedom Music." Country music represents good ol' fashion values, middle America, farming, trucks, and lots of other stupid shit that most people don't give a fuck about. One famous conservative country music star, Toby Keith, will kick your ass if you ain't for war, huge trucks, and tight American made jeans.
Most country music ballads these days are found kissing up to our Troops in an attempt to make a statement that Country Music and "simple everyday middle-Americans" are the only people who love our country. Turn the TV over to CMT and you'll find at least 63% of all videos take place at some sort of Fourth of July event, with fireworks in the sky, a bunch of white middle American families sitting on picnic blankets with patriotic gaze in their eyes, some dogs, and a wholesome "young love" romance. Whether it's Lee Greenwood belting out "God Bless The USA", Alan Jackson reminding us with "Where were you?", or Toby singing "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue," you can rest assure that Country Music will always be on our side, the side of freedom and conservatism.
With all this blind patriotism, it only spans half of the themes of this part of musical Americana--the other half of course being Jesus. That's right, Country Music is also often about Jesus and other Christian themes. This of course makes a conservative very excited (often referred to as a "hard on for Jesus").
Popular examples of Country Music lyrics:

"putting a boot in your ass, it's the American way..."

"And it gave me a chill, when he clicked his heels, and saluted me..."

"As he laid his blood-stained bible in that hooker's hand..."

"To fight for the Red, White, and Blue He was 19 in green with a new M-16Just doin' what he had to do..."

"Oh Lord I'd be lostBut for the grace of GodOh Lord I'd be lost..."

#9 Hating Other Countries

Though it is acceptable for everyone to hate Canada, conservatives will tell you they hate most other countries in the whole world--and for good reason--America kicks ass. Conservatives have a long history of hating the shit out of other countries. We need look no further than the "red scare", France, Mexico and their "dirty immigrants", and various European nations for being gay.

Whatever you do, don't attempt to disparage the United States' performance in any way (i.e. education, health care, environment, quality of life) to a conservative. They will immediately say, "Well there ain't no place in the world I'd rather be, that's for sure." And while that statement is fair, it is usually followed up by, "America is the greatest country in the world," which too often has less substance a conservative will lead you to believe to back up such a claim.

Time and time again conservatives rally around new ways to hate on other countries. You want let us force you into a stupid war? Bam! FREEDOM FRIES! And of course the lesser known Freedom Toast. Don't even try to Freedom kiss. Often at political rallies conservatives will remind everyone (that means you the rest of the world) how fucking awesome we are by mindlessly chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!" even if it's because someone announced they had to go to the bathroom. Conservatives hate other countries so much they can't wait to invade the holy hell out of the next one. Will is be Iran? Will it be North Korea? Who knows. In return the rest of the world holds some level of resentment towards us for the attitudes, policies, and actions conservatives represent.

#8 WAR

Throughout American history, War and conflict has begun under administrations from both the left and right. We are brought into war for various reasons, but the reason why conservatives will bring us into war is because it actually makes them horny. War gives conservatives hard-ons. To them, it's like an addiction, a sex/war addiction, and they'll stop at nothing to get it.
Why would such a violent act stimulate a conservative's anus you may ask? Well, it has to do with who has the biggest cock on this planet. Everyone knows that in America we have the biggest cocks God dammit! A conservative will prove their penis size with a dazzling showcase of what's known as "shock and awe." "Shock and awe" involves blowing up a lot of shit simultaneously. It makes for great television, and of course the broadcast will remind the world that America has the biggest cock on this planet. The conservative's sex starved cravings for such acts led it down a path of the current Iraq War, which was organized on lies and ignorance (lying is a common sign of a war addict). Note: conservatives had a previous war problem with Iraq in the early 90s.
These dangerous cravings continue even today as many conservatives call for an invasion of Iran, another country that has not posed any threat to the US--though they often will make slights and threats towards Israel. That doesn't matter though. Even though it's not our business, all that it required for a sex crazed invasion is 1) an Islamic nation and 2) Oil is present. The real kicker is, a conservative will go tell the U.N. (and thus the world) to "Fuck Off" when challenged on such an invasion--another sign of a war addict.

Tips on organizing a war intervention for conservatives:

1) Consult a professional first. Talk to a representative about it.
2) Meet with everyone who will be involved in the intervention way ahead of time. Are they other concerned citizens and do they have the facts?
3) Prepare yourself emotionally for resistance from the addict. The conservative may turn on you and try to blow you up.
4) Understand that you will have to let go. Make it clear that the conservative will no longer be welcome if they continue the destructive behaviour.