#8 WAR

Throughout American history, War and conflict has begun under administrations from both the left and right. We are brought into war for various reasons, but the reason why conservatives will bring us into war is because it actually makes them horny. War gives conservatives hard-ons. To them, it's like an addiction, a sex/war addiction, and they'll stop at nothing to get it.
Why would such a violent act stimulate a conservative's anus you may ask? Well, it has to do with who has the biggest cock on this planet. Everyone knows that in America we have the biggest cocks God dammit! A conservative will prove their penis size with a dazzling showcase of what's known as "shock and awe." "Shock and awe" involves blowing up a lot of shit simultaneously. It makes for great television, and of course the broadcast will remind the world that America has the biggest cock on this planet. The conservative's sex starved cravings for such acts led it down a path of the current Iraq War, which was organized on lies and ignorance (lying is a common sign of a war addict). Note: conservatives had a previous war problem with Iraq in the early 90s.
These dangerous cravings continue even today as many conservatives call for an invasion of Iran, another country that has not posed any threat to the US--though they often will make slights and threats towards Israel. That doesn't matter though. Even though it's not our business, all that it required for a sex crazed invasion is 1) an Islamic nation and 2) Oil is present. The real kicker is, a conservative will go tell the U.N. (and thus the world) to "Fuck Off" when challenged on such an invasion--another sign of a war addict.

Tips on organizing a war intervention for conservatives:

1) Consult a professional first. Talk to a representative about it.
2) Meet with everyone who will be involved in the intervention way ahead of time. Are they other concerned citizens and do they have the facts?
3) Prepare yourself emotionally for resistance from the addict. The conservative may turn on you and try to blow you up.
4) Understand that you will have to let go. Make it clear that the conservative will no longer be welcome if they continue the destructive behaviour.